|
| Time: | 6:09 pm. |
| Mood: |  cynical. |
|
|
I won a shitload of awards at the ceremony to-day. Only not really, it just seemed like it. Aditya thinks I won more than him (he won ten). I can't wait until school is over because of what a loser I am. And I can't wait to leave this house for four weeks. But I need to read, read, read. Sanctuary and Specials and Attention Deficit Democracy. And the Autobiography of Bertrand Russell (at least the first volume), but I don't mind if I don't finish it until the end of the summer. And Pilgrimage and the Saint Joan and the other books in my room and in my grandparents' library. And I have to read The Hobbit and another book for summer reading. And I want to read Anthem because my grandfather really hates how objectivism is pushed in that book. And he wants me to read that Ibsen play. He says it's his favorite of all of the plays. Quite a plethora to pick from.
|
| Time: | 11:39 am. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
|
|
I watched Sin City a few days ago. I was reading V for Vendetta yesterday. I am finished with The Notebook and am tackling this UGLIES burden. One annoying young adult novel at a time. Then I can return this eleven days late book to the library on Tuesday, only then, it will be thirteen days late.
|
|
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
|
| Time: | 3:47 pm. |
| Mood: |  I remember all of my dreams. |
|
|
I knew Mr. Klein would do what he did... I asked him if he did it on purpose and he asked me "What?" and I said "Put me on that team" and he said "I put you with Gans-- Katrina, Stephanie, Ali..." He knows what he did and I honestly don't care about what he did, but that he failed my hopes for him but achieved my expectations. He was trying to be the "wise, old man who fixes it and makes a different in a girl's life"-Sam. I don't see why he thought it necessary to fix it himself, but Sam asked me if it was necessary to be enemies with her and I said that I would happily and willingly cooperate, but I needed her to happily and willingly cooperate first. Maria also said that we don't get along, but it is not "not getting along". Not getting along is when someone does not like someone else and the feeling is reciprocated. It is mutual. Seeing as how her hate is not a mutual feeling among us, it is impossible for us to not get along.
|
|
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
|
| Time: | 9:41 am. |
| Mood: |  complacent. |
|
|
I went to Princeton ysterday with my grandfather. We went to Princeton Record Exchange; he bought the new Enya cd and I bought two cd's... I bought a sweatshirt at the Woolen's store and then we went to Chuck's for lunch and then we went to the half price book store and I bought five or six books for 20.98. We went home and I put back together my room. I cannot wear my contact lenses because the solution I use is on callback and what luck... I have no glasses. I can't see. I think I'll just read in my unlit room or kitchen and make a pie.
|
|
|
Yesterday, I went to UNI QLO and bought clothes and then went to Sarah's house and we went to FabricLand, then Watchung Stables, and then back to her house. We hung out and then we went to Sam's house and watched Empire Records, Dirty Dancing: Havanah Nights, and Three O'Clock High. Then I went home and to-day, I watched Everything is Illuminated with my mother.
I found the material I want to make my dress out of. And the buttons that will go with it. I am anxious for Spring Break.
|
|
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
|
| Time: | 5:15 pm. |
| Mood: |  That's it?. |
|
|
I am consumed in my friend's overwhelming obsession with herself. I am trying to confront her with a real problem, albeit my problem, and all she is talking about is whom Adam likes. She always feels bad if someone else feels bad, and I hardly thinks it's empathic of her, but that she just doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings for potential of blame and guilt.
|
|
|
He is self-centered and wants to be popular.
On April first, I am going to watch movies.
To-morrow, we have health.
Maria was sick yesterday and to-day and was absent to-day.
Yesterday, I went and ate a shitload of food with Allie and Sarah. Then I had two TUMS. They made me want to vomit. When we came out of CVS, I saw Dante and Mike DeRose.
I have twenty dollars in my wallet.
And a Dorothy with Toto magnet.
Aviva asked me if I remembered when we were at Abby's bat mitzvah and we ask Phillip to dance. That was the shiznit. Abby's bat mitzvah was mad fun.
I haven't been in contact with Whitney or Sam.
Adam is eventually going to venture to the city for a Ted Leo concert and I was like "Ted Leo and the Pharmacists"? and he was très excited.
I need to make my damn Science notes print. Or, I should write them by hand.
I do remember asking Phillip to dance.
|
|
Saturday, March 11th, 2006
|
|
|
|
Marina recieves A's during every lesson, even though she doesn't practice and struggles with the fundamentals. I, however, recieve A-'s and do not struggle at all with it!!!!!! Mr. B. only hears himself and does not understand when I tell him that I do not struggle with the solos and duets and lessons. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
|
|
|
It felt like Spring yesterday. I need to not feel so helpless.
I have feelings of anger and hate and helplessness.
I can't wait to go to high school. I might be going somewhere for Spring Break. I need to call Katrina.
|
|
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
|
| Time: | 10:28 pm. |
| Mood: | I am evil!. |
|
I ripped a page out of Max's notebook because the first page displayed my last name with two exclamation points/happy face doo-dad. Weird. The face had a tongue too. And eyes. I watched ANTM and am now watching Project Runway. I read some of Martin Luther and completed my homework. I kind of want to sleep. I need to practice my Italian dialogue.
dialogue 1:
-Buon giorno, come andiamo oggi?
-Mi dispiace. Esamino i riflessi, misuro la temperatura e esamino la pressione. Hai un virus.
-Devi riposare, prendi queste pillole tre volte al giorno. Non ti preoccupare, sana sara a pesce.
dialogue 2:
-Buon giorno, come andiamo oggi?
-Mi dispiace. Esamino i riflessi, misuro la temperatura e esamino la gola. Hai un bell'influenza.
-Hai bisogno di un'iniezione. Prendi queste pillole uno volte al giorno. Che peccato, sana sara a pesce.
|
|
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
|
|
|
|
My mother and my grandmother are having a bout right now. I hate this. This situation makes me feel horrible because I think and feel horrible things for people. I wish I could have unconditional love for everyone in my family, but it's not possible, no matter how hard I try. When I ignore the bad things that make me feel horrible, I feel lost and out of control. When I try to confront the bad things, I feel arrogant and insensitive and inhuman. I can't wait to move away and only see my parents when I have to. And for small, limited times at that. Now everyone is fine, but not really. No one is yelling. I want to do my homework!!!! I need to do it. I need to go home. And, now my mother is staying for a while.
|
|
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
|
|
|
It turns out it was supposed to be on.
Whoops for me and my big mouth that does not open.
|
| Time: | 5:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  afraid. |
|
My grandmother is making vegetables and fruit with spices in her slowcooker. Cuisinart. Except, she's not; she did not yet turn it on. I have not told her yet. Why does all technology auto-save now? I think it's handy, but it should work on recovering things that are lost. That would be nice. A lot of people in my Info Tech class think they are computer literate. And others who happen to be the same people usually think that everyone wants to hear how cool they are being expressed in blasting the same Offspring songs over and over and over again. It pisses me off. Ali Prestridge is supposed to sit next to me, but for the last two days she has sat next to Becky. Becky likes to be mean to me. In a joking way that I don't always find so friendly. I should check on those immoble apples... how cruel am I for not alerting anyone we are not getting a side dish for dinner? Will we have to put the heat on high to cook it faster? That's not really the point of a slowcooker, is it?
I saw Staion Agent to-day. I thought it was a good movie. The old man who died always looked angry, but we didn't see him for long, because he was dead. Fin went to the classroom of the overweight kid who always bothers him. But, he didn't mind being bothered. It wasn't really bothering, anyway, but I still dislike kids. But, he didn't really like to be with people for a while. Because, he wanted to be alone. But, then he was happy. Happy.
Maybe I am going to check on these apples and vegetables and pretend I just figured out they were not being heated. Maybe, my grandmother didn't want to heat them yet. Or, maybe, the higher powers don't want us to.
She doesn't wear glasses.
|
|
Friday, February 24th, 2006
|
|
|
I have no friends.
If I were someone else, I would say Rachel's a pussy who always talks about her problems and frankly, no one cares.
Maybe I am just a social reppellent, but I need people to confront me. Katrina and Theres have not done that. Adam is with Katrina and Rosie. Adam believes what they say. No one believes me. Sarah believes me. Allie partly believes me. Maria is conflicted because she is un-confrontational and avoids controversy, no matter whose and how much freedom she is compromising. If anyone did what Theres and Katrina are doing to me to my friend, I would be with my friend. I wouldn't dare seem undecided in the matter. I hate how this situation is controlling what I think about. It's controlling me the way Rebecca controlled Mrs. de Winter through Manderley.
Well, here's an idea...
Fuck You.
|
|
Monday, February 20th, 2006
|
|
|
|
I hate four day weekends. They make me feel guilty for not interacting with my friends. Only, it's usually my friends' faults because they never invite or include me anywhere. So, I sit at home all weekend, forgotten and neglected by my friends, and read and sleep and eat and watch movies with my mother. I guess those are all the basic things I can't live without. The Murphy bed for my mother came yesterday. It was more than three hours late, but, hey, that's the delivery business for ya. I am maybe going to see Wizo during spring break. I went to the city the other day and we got food at the Grand Central Terminal. My aunt took us to a Thai place with an awesome sink, but aside from that it was a pretty flat day. Well, it was windy, but the Empire State Building was fine. It was nice. There weren't as many people as there usually are, so that was nice. It was still crowded. But the Grand Central Terminal was maybe the highlight of the day. I really wonder what I will discover my friends have been doing all weekend to-morrow.
|
|
Friday, February 17th, 2006
|
|
|
I am on my grandmother's laptop and I am going to the Empire State building to-day. I have never been and I am not that interested, but tourists do it and I have decided to be a tourist to-day. Then, I guess we will have a tourist's lunch, unless we eat before we go to the Empire State Building. We're going to meet my Aunt Betty there and I think we're going to see her knitting shop called Knitty City or Knitting City. I can clarify later, but on this laptop, the keys for the "mouse" are not where I expect them to be, so I have to pound around for a few seconds before I look down and say "Ohhhhh." My grandmother says this computer is slow, which I guess it it, since she makes a living from the internet. She relies on it to be speedy and we had some fuck up try to wire a wireless connection through the house the other day or something and he gave them a new ISP address and the other computers ended up being kicked off the internet. My grandmother has been on the internet for the entire week, yelling at people and accusing them of incompetence; what's new? Brooklyn is a wonderful borough, apparently. I looked up the recipe for canoli on cooks.com, and someone wrote a recipe for canolis. Dumb... I presented an Italian dialogue with Jenni yesterday and I did well, but Jenni didn't. Signora said Bravissima. I feel bad that I let Signora down in her hopes for improve Jenni's sense of focus in Italian. Jenni cut class one time and went to French... I think and She did didn't know why and wouldn't explain why to Signora. She's quiet. Very quiet. I actually like the keyboard that goes with this laptop. My grandmother hates laptop keyboards and I really hate the mouses. She hates the mouses to. I hate the Macs at school because when I type, I have to press very hard on the keys and it makes me type slower, and I am a fast typer and being slowed down pisses me off. I hate loud people in the library and on this laptop, I expect the BackSpace key to be where the Home key is, so I keep screwing up.
Fuck up Fuck up Fuck up
Haha
|
|
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
|
|
|
|
I just finished shoveling the snow. I just recieved twenty dollars from my mother for shoveling excess amounts of precipitation. She's giving me another twenty next week, though, I have no idea why she spaced it out, or why she's even giving me forty dollars. I think it's a bit lame to pay your kid forty dollars to shovel snow, but it was a lot, and I had to do it in pain with that lame shovel that is bent, that is supposed to protect your back, but it really just hurts mine, because I am too short and my arms are not long enough to grip it in the correct way that would save my back.
|
|
Saturday, February 11th, 2006
|
|
|
|
I watched Wedding Crashers and the Ring. ¡yey! They both were nice. I want some vegetables. I ate Chinese food at Hung's today. It's no longer Shabbat. It snowed a tad today. Only a tad. I want to finish reading books pretty soon. I have not yet recieved my report card. There were no notifications of overdue books, even though I know there was one. When I talked to Sarah on Friday, she had not yet recieved her's. I want mine, damn it. I am going to watch Green Mile on channel seven at eight-o-clock. I watched part of the Olympic Games Ceremony yesterday, on channel four, but I watched Run Lola Run at 8.30 and Monk and House at 10 and 11. I watch an excessive amount of television. In fifth grade, we had a recurring project of couch potatoes. We had to read at least 20 books a month and write the publication details of each one on a couch potato cut-out and design them accordingly. I read the most books out of everyone and probably watched the most amounts of television. I stopped doing a lot of my homework in fourth grade, because I realised it didn't really matter and Mrs. Rosner was the hardest teacher out of all of them when it came to homework. This situation reminds me of how I practice drumming and when it comes time for lessions, Mr. B. listens to Marina and me at the same time and he doesn't hear the good, hard work I put into it and produce and just hears the mistakes Marina makes. That statement is really narcissistic and self-centered. Mr B. is dissapointed. I'm disappointed. When I am in the car or out to dinner in a resaurant with all three of my parents, and I say something and no one listens or hears, but doesn't listen. Why do I even try?
|
|
Saturday, January 21st, 2006
|
| Time: | 10:06 am. |
| Mood: |  BLEH. |
|
|
I should write in this journal everyday. It would make me seem emo. Dante says 'Ew, You're emo.' I say 'No, I am not.' and He says 'I know.' Dante is in a band that is called Dante Loses Weight. Dante was my best friend in third grade. There are assholes who go to my school. I want them to be eaten. It seems so dark in here. I think it is. Some lights are not on. I want to write a short story about the refridgerator and me. Ms. Fitzerald says we are better at our fiction and narrative than our exposity, because, of course, we are children. I think that I have equal strengths, but she is biased in her perspective [bonus word] of our writing and decidedly grades so. Thumbsucker is released out on DVD on January 24th. I can't wait...! It was a good book, but I hear the movie focuses on his ADD and decongestant pills/ritalin. It's really not about that. I wonder if they cover all of the years the book covered... And all the events. If it is accurate to the book, it's probably going to be a disturbing movie, like The Squid and the Whale. That was a good movie. The young boy protagonist looked as if he was not yet old enough to have started gambling. My grandmother says 'A lot of the bad things that happened could have been prevented if they had had cell phones.' I don't think that's true. I think the point of the movie and it's time was that even if those people lived in the age of cell phones, they wouldn't be responsible enough to call each other. They're all too majorly fucked up to be conventional responsible people of the new age. I think what was really accented was the hippieness that made the family both free-loving and narrow-minded, in different ways, of course.
|
|
|
Colin Firth is going to be on the Ellen Degeneres show. How do I know this? Sarah is ditching me at the library to go home to watch Colin Firth. Fine. I'll get over it. 'At the Library' is a Green Day song. I went to services to-night and we had to drive this rabbi to the train station. I feel sorry for him... being stuck with us. I was the youngest person who went to my camp in the first year... JRF in '02. I thought I had an appointment for an interview at Rutgers Prep, but I don't. I am just going to an open house and then I might have an interview. I looked at their course catalogue online and it's not that bad... I still don't have a burning passion for the school, but I am very interested in the Magnet School. If that doesn't work out, Spiffy is not a bad school. I don't want to go to private school. I am hating my grandfather's computer. I keep trying to use shortcuts to html things and stupid other things are popping up and getting in the way of it. Which means, he has something stupid linked up to be a shortcut.
To-day was such a waste of my time. School sucked. No one cared. We didn't even have a classroom for most of the first Workshop. The Funeral Director was more happy and interesting than the Accountant. I know that's not surprising, but I expected something. My eyes are irritating me. I think I may go read a book or magazine. What do you think of that?
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
banshee_queen's journal
I hate. I hate. Fuck. I hate..
Sam is in the corner with me.
discontent.
chipper.
I feel like I am on the juice.